THINGS TO DO

Some favorite David Letterman moments

Eric Dick
eric.dick@indystar.com

I am certain I could have become a physicist. Or at least a chemist.

But then came David Letterman.

"Late Night with David Letterman" first aired on NBC in 1982. A year later, when I was a sophomore in high school, the show was hitting its sweet spot.

Young fans such as myself were overcome by two things:

■This guy with the wacky talk show is more unusual, inventive and funny than anything else on television.

■His show starts at 12:30 a.m. and ends at 1:30 a.m.

The 1:30 a.m. finish is a problem when you are a high school student with an 8 a.m. physics class. (Or was it chemistry? I can't even remember now. Dave!)

"Late Night" was worth the late night. Oh, was it worth it.

For those who know me now or knew me then and say I am a funny guy, I credit Dave with some of that. I can't tell you the atomic weight of zinc, but I do have pretty good observational wit.

In appreciation of such lessons in humor, and as CBS celebrates the talk-show host with a prime-time special May 4 before his May 20 final show, here are just a few of my favorite David Letterman moments:

1. The Velcro suit

So this is a talk show, but the host is wearing a suit of Velcro and plans to bounce up and stick to a wall of Velcro? Yes! Let's do this! Dave fashioned a sponge suit, Rice Krispies suit, Alka-Seltzer suit and others, but the Velcro suit still sticks with me most.

"Have you ever done anything like this?" Dave asks the director of industrial sales for Velcro USA.

More importantly, have we ever seen anything like this? Why no, Dave, we have not.

2. The steamroller

Taking a cue from Wile E. Coyote, Dave does something that any kid who grew up on Looney Tunes would be craving to do: crush actual things with an actual steamroller. A bowling trophy? Run it over! A cooler for beer? Crush it! Toothpaste? Skip the brush!

"All right," Dave says, "may we have the first item to be destroyed, please."

3. The GE Handshake

When General Electric bought NBC in 1986, Dave decided to take a fruit basket down to welcome his new employers. GE security didn't welcome the gesture so kindly. The "General Electric corporate handshake" became an ongoing gag for Dave for weeks. For the rest of us who could only dream of making such fun of our bosses, it was great fun. Put 'er there, Dave!

4. The monkey cam

A monkey. On roller skates. With a wireless video camera. Did I mention "Late Night" was a talk show?

5. "Late Night" splendor

Undeniably, one of the greatest aspects of Letterman's "Late Night" years was his eclectic mix of guests. Yes, there were Hollywood stars and comics. But there also were, say, just interesting people. "American Splendor" comic book writer Harvey Pekar was one of them. Curmudgeonly would be an understatement. He never seemed comfortable with Dave, and Dave never seemed comfortable with him. But everyone — well, everyone except for Harvey — got a kick out of it.

Dave: "You're a little defensive about this, Harvey."

Pekar: "You always tell me I'm defensive. I don't even pay attention to you anymore."

6. Telling it like it is

What made Dave so funny was that he was such a wiseass. It was as if the smart aleck in all of us who wanted to lampoon the ridiculousness of celebritydom got the perfect venue: a television talk show. Dave's search for laughs could get a little rough, though, as Cher pointed out to him one night, saying sometimes he could be a real … well, see for yourself.

7. Madonna

If Cher's single profanity made Dave a little uneasy, Madonna's discussion made Dave outright squeamish. No better way to transition away from Madonna's panties, I suppose, than asking her whether she plans on buying an NBA team.

Dave: "Is that just an untrue rumor?

Madonna: "Isn't that an oxymoron? … 'Untrue rumor.' That's like funny David Letterman."

8. Happy birthday

In 1995, a free-spirited Drew Barrymore gave Dave a birthday gift he wouldn't forget: She hopped up on his desk, performed a slinky little dance and then, grabbing the sides of her shirt with her back to the audience, flashed him.

A slightly stupefied Dave turns to band leader Paul Shaffer and says, "Remember the night Morley Safer was here and pulled the same thing."

9. Rock and Rage and roll

You can appreciate Dave for Dave, but you also have to appreciate his show for the music. Although the show was taped to broadcast later, Dave's goal always was to execute the show like a live event. So the musical performances were like watching a concert, bad (though bleeped-out) language and all.

There are many acts to choose from. Just the interview with the surviving members of Led Zeppelin was cool.

I'll pick this street block jam outside the Ed Sullivan Theater from Rage Against the Machine. I never saw a mosh pit on Johnny Carson.

10. Bill Murray

When "Late Night" debuted on Feb. 1, 1982, and when "Late Show" debuted 11 years later, the first guest was Bill Murray. No doubt Bill will see Dave off for his May 20 final show.

Murray's moments on the show aren't the funniest moments ever on either show. But the wacky comedian ushering in the wacky talk show heralded a talk show like no other. Then and now.

Call Eric Dick at (317) 444-6306. Follow him @IndyStarEric.