Be respectful in responding to suicide

As I was drawing to the end of a thought-provoking Survivor of Suicide Support Group meeting, my cellphone was buzzing out of control. Another suicide loss survivor’s phone also started to ring. She announced Robin Williams died from an apparent suicide. Needless to say, our meeting went overtime discussing the impact his death had upon us.

Many people don’t realize there are twice as many people who die by suicide than homicide. More people die by suicide than in car accidents. Over 40,000 Americans die by suicide annually. A suicidal thought brought on by depression is a serious condition that requires medical attention. But we don’t talk about it.

The sad reality is that severe mental illness continues to claim the lives of our brothers, fathers, sons, friends, daughters, wives and daughters. When this is a loss that is close to us, we feel alone, ashamed, embarrassed, and that nobody wants to hear about our pain. When someone like Robin Williams dies, someone who was loved and admired by many, it can bring up feelings of pain to suicide loss survivors.

In the social media’s response to Robin’s death, a majority were positive and thoughtful. I have read about people responding with their own struggles with thoughts of suicide. But it was also easy for people to react with skepticism and negative, hurtful comments blaming Robin and his family.

Someone who dies by suicide is not “weak,” “selfish,” “taking the easy way out” or a “coward.” Suicidal depression is not a choice someone makes in their life. They are in so much emotional pain, commonly known as psych ache, by the suicide prevention specialists. They just want the pain to stop and they don’t know any other way. Yes, they are desperate and some impulsive. Mental illness is not a “weakness” it is a disease. No one deserves to suffer from depression, be judged and ridiculed.

Please don’t judge or make hurtful comments to suicide loss survivors. We struggle with our own demons feelings of guilt and asking why. Instead, be the shoulder to lean on, the listening ear without judgment and condemnation.

Robin’s death has taught me I need to become more vocally active in discussing suicide prevention and after a suicide occurs. I need to do so in honoring my brother who died by suicide 19 years ago. If his death and my experience as a suicide loss survivor can save one life — just one life — we will change our world.

Through the life of our loved ones their death speaks for better mental health treatment and need for our community to understand to be less judgmental and more comforting to those who struggle. Key points to remember when talking with suicide loss survivors:

• Be respectful – just say you are sorry and leave it at that

• Talk directly about suicide with your loved ones

• Remember the person’s life without so much emphasis on how they died

• Avoid assumptions about the person who died, mental health history. There is not one reason why someone who is suicidal depressed dies by suicide. It is a multitude of reasons.

• Encourage people to get help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is (800) 273-8255.

Janet Schnell

President, Survivors of Suicide of Dubois County,

Huntingburg