FDA: No more raw cookie dough ever — even if it doesn't have eggs

Breaking news: Everything fun causes death.

The FDA, aka, killjoys, has said it is no longer safe to eat raw cookie dough — even if you're using one of those Pinterest recipes that doesn't use raw eggs.

In fact, the administration said in a new blog post, it's not safe to eat raw flour in any form. Not homemade Play Dough, not licking the spoon of brownie batter. Nothing.

Here's the deal: You know that raw eggs can carry Salmonella, which is no good, but it turns out flour can harbor E. Coli, which is also nasty. The FDA says dozens have been sickened by the Shiga toxin-producing E. coli O121 after they ate raw flour.

And if you do get the bacteria, you're in for a bad time. We're talking bloody diarrhea and abdominal cramps. While most people will bounce back within a week, it can even lead to kidney failure, especially among the elderly and kids under 5.

How can you avoid it? Common sense and a loss of one of the small joys of life. Cook all dough, including cookie dough, thoroughly. Wash your hands. Don't give kids raw dough to play with. Weep for a tiny sliver of happiness that has evaporated in the name of adulthood and safety.

What's next? Petting puppies causes shingles? Is nothing sacred?

Allison Carter is an engagement producer at IndyStar and is not taking this news well. Follow her on Twitter @AllisonLCarter.