Breast cancer patients find strength in loss

Kim Irish: "I loved my hair"

Kim Irish had just started a new job and was in California for a training session. She had her tests and was waiting for the results but had asked the doctor not to call her so she could concentrate on the training.

She was set to return to Indianapolis when she got the call from the doctor confirming she had Stage 2 breast cancer. "I was standing in the security line at San Francisco airport when she called me, and I can still see the people in line around me," she said.

Irish had a lumpectomy followed by four rounds of chemotherapy and 33 sessions of radiation. "My doctor told me my hair would start to fall out three weeks after my first chemo. The moment he said it would start — it started." Irish admits to the fear and panic.

"It was scary; you feel alone, even though you've got people around you supporting you.

"You look at yourself in the morning in the mirror and ask, "How is this happening? They can put a man on the moon, but they can't figure out how to keep us from losing our hair!" she exclaimed.

"I loved my hair. It was something I got complimented on. It was about shoulder length, blond and had some curls in it." Opting for the gradual route of getting different styles, Irish had a pixie cut before eventually shaving her head. It helped that her husband, Dave, shaved his head in solidarity.

Irish notes she was stressed over the hair loss. "It irritated me that it bothered me so much. I was not comfortable being bald." she said.

With a job in sales, Irish was comfortable in front of people, then suddenly, she wasn't. "When I had a wig on, even if they didn't know, I did, and I couldn't get past it," she said.

Cancer-free since November, Irish says now: "While in the moment it doesn't feel good, but you're going to come out on the other side.

"The sun goes down, and you're one day closer to moving toward the end of it."

Kimberly Leffew: "I took pride in my hair"

Strands of Kimberly Leffew's hair swirled around the drain of the shower — an unusual amount of hair.

"It was clumps from the side of my head," Leffew said. "They told me at the clinic to just go ahead and shave it..

"I had nice hair. I took good care of it. I took pride in my hair," said Leffew, 49, Indianapolis. She decided to let her 4-year-old grandson cut it off, and then her son shaved her head. "But none of them wanted to shave their heads," she added.

Some breast cancer patients say that the loss of their hair is another assault on their femininity and self-esteem. The things that physically define them as women — their breasts and their hair — are being pummeled by high-powered drugs trying to cure them.

Chemotherapy destroys tumor cells and at the same time damages other cells that grow into hair and nails. Hair becomes fragile, breaks and falls out either gradually or in clumps, like cotton candy pulled from its paper cone. Eyebrows, eyelashes, hair on arms and legs may also fall out. Nails become brittle and black.

Leffew wears a wig, but admits to wearing it awkwardly. "I had a lady in the store tuck in the tag in the back one day," she said with a laugh.

Wearing a wig can also be hot, and uncomfortable on a tender scalp.

So some women instead wear turbans or bright scarves to perk up their mood while adding a comfortable covering. But the wig, if well made and fitted, gives a woman a much-needed sense of security and confidence.

For Leffew, breast cancer was a nightmare she knew all too well. Her mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer and died in 2008. When Leffew was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer in late 2013, the pain of watching her mother go through cancer and treatment was still fresh in her mind. "I just thought I was going to go through the same thing she did," Leffew said.

Leffew began a treatment regimen in January.

She had been out of work since 2012 when Hostess Brands closed its Shadeland Avenue facility. She sought medical help through the Gennesaret Free Clinic, which assisted her in getting the diagnosis, treatment and support she needed.

Lisa Hayes: "Why did I survive?"

It was through Gennesaret that she met Lisa Hayes, director of women's health at the clinic. Hayes, 56, was diagnosed with breast cancer and has been cancer-free for six years.

Hayes uses that unique perspective to help patients navigate the health-care system and offer support and advice.

"Why did I survive?" Hayes asks. "I survived because I have a role now, my role to support people like Kim and other people like her."

Hayes, who always wore her hair short, admits her hair loss wasn't traumatic for her. "My dad was a barber and always said, 'Hair was just hair, it will grow back.' "

But her father struggled with her diagnosis and felt helpless in easing her pain. He would ask if there were something he could do for her. She called him one day and asked him to shave her head. "It made him feel like it was something he could do for me.

"I kind of embraced my bald head," Hayes said. "Sometimes, people would look at me or whisper and ask questions. I took the opportunity to educate and say, 'I lost my hair. I'm going through cancer treatment.' "

When Hayes' hair started to grow back, it was baby hair and lay smoothly along her scalp. She was in a checkout lane when a woman asked, "I love your hair. Who does your hair?" Hayes told her "chemotherapy." "I tell people if you can find humor in it and keep a positive attitude, it helps your outlook."

Kim DeRidder: "I'm the same person"

Humor is what gets Kim DeRidder and her family through her breast cancer journey. On the day of her mastectomy, her husband John took a marker and wrote on her right breast "EXPIRES 3-17-14" to ensure the surgeon removed the correct breast. "That's the type of humor we have," DeRidder said.

If not for her "Fight Like a Girl" hat and thinning tufts of hair peaking out from under it, the casual observer wouldn't know DeRidder had recently undergone a mastectomy and chemotherapy. She has boundless energy and humor and has rarely missed work as a vice president at Regions Bank.

DeRidder, 49, who lives in Franklin Township, has inflammatory breast cancer, which is virtually undetectable because there are no lumps or masses that can be seen with a mammogram. DeRidder was diagnosed after she had a rash that wouldn't clear up,

Within a week-and-a-half of diagnosis, she started her treatment of chemotherapy, Perjeta and Herceptin.

"You're going to lose your hair," she was told by her nurse practitioner. "At this point in my life, that's the least of my worries," DeRidder said. "I had gotten out of the shower and combed my hair, and it was tangled. I pulled my comb away, and there was a wad of hair, and I immediately broke down in tears," she said. "I had said, 'This isn't going to bother me. This is part of what I'm going to experience,' but reality was hitting me over the head."

She admits to shedding tears about her scar and about losing her breast. As her husband told her, "You could be bald, you could be without both, you're still you and I will always love you, and it doesn't matter what you look like to me."

"I'm the same person whether I have hair or not — but I will feel better having my hair back."

Choosing a wig

Danielle Burrow, a fitter at the Women's Health Boutique at St. Vincent Carmel Hospital, has these suggestions for women considering a wig:

• Select a wig before hair loss to accurately match the color and style.

• Focus first on style and not necessarily the color.

• Get a good fitting cap. Softer caps are designed specifically for cancer patients who have tender scalps.

• She recommends a synthetic hair wig because they are lighter in weight on a sensitive scalp, and they come styled. They also require virtually no maintenance.

• Choose several wigs with different looks.